My Loser List

There are about gazillion things I don't know how to do in this lifetime.

At 25, I will shamelessly admit that I don't know how to ride a bike. And just when you start to draw an L on your forehead, wait till you hear me say that I don't know how to do a paper plane till this very date. Oh, and the whole stuff you can do out of folding paper, boat included, I never learned to do any of those.
 Freakishly, I am a loser in so many ways.

While I know how to sing, I can't follow dance steps in more than X number of counts. I'd trade knowing how to whistle maybe, if I just learned how to do the shadow of a dog using both hands, or a star by the rubber band.

Now that I realize it, I carried on some funny lack of know-how in certain grown up knowledge that should have been easy as ABC.

So, here's my loser list:

- I don't know how to flirt casually. I mock myself inside whenever a boy gets too close, and would mess up the whole art of flattery and the discomfort of courtship --whatever that is.

- I don't know how to spot a guy who likes me. I guess, the horror of being myself kind of gets ahead of me, and I wouldn't give them a reason to like me further. I instantly freeze to the ice queen that I am, and then I’d wear on the “don’t talk to me” look.

- I don't know how to throw a bitch fit. I get mad for a very limited period of time, even an episode of CSI is longer than my exploding heart. I don't dwell, which makes sense to not harboring hate towards anyone. I get furiously mad, but not throw a rage. Then, if I need to talk to you about it in a week’s time, I forgot my whole point then will make up with you, just like that. Bad if you have to seriously discuss problems with somebody. This is to date is my timeless weakness.

- I don't know how to be jealous. Period.

Okay. I do, but not psycho jealous over anyone. When I distinctly feel a pang of suspicion, it is usually genuine jealousy. I don’t practice jealousy like breathing. Maybe I don’t want to show I’m threatened, or make someone feel their whims mattered. You can look, but you can’t touch!

I’m stupid about whollata things in this life. I just act like I am as wise. I don’t put value on things I can live without (except gossip girl hehe) but puts out much effort thinking for the things that are best left as is. So help me God. This is me, naked and complicated.